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Here I am again.
I am lost for words.
Life is.
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| I'm numb to American culture. The land of the free and home of the brave is governed by democracy. I would tell any foreigner to visit Walmart, Starbucks and MacDonalds. Now the places may not be exclusive to America, but these places ARE America. America is convenience, our economy hinges on 24/7 shopping, drive-thru coffee shops and deep fried food. The public transportation is limited; a foreigner must drive everywhere.
Would I view the United States of America differently if I were a tourist?
Life is spinning out of control.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know how to feel.
I cannot describe.
I cannot be
Who is this girl?
God, I hope it's not me.
Gorgeous and smart
Terrified of her potential
Needing change
Feeling stuck
Needing friends because she's so sick of shallow
Make me ask for help.
I am a failure at being dependent
Who have I become?
Look what adversity has done
Swore she was strong
The flow of tears keeps coming
Immobility acts but the easy answer would be running.
Who has loved me? Who loves me?
The one who respects me.
The one who adores me.
I need a one-eighty
I wish to be happy: joyous
I wish to be a lady: graceful, classy
I wish to be daring: adventureous
I wish to be progressive: changing
I wish to be caring: kind
I wish to be beautiful: lovely
It's like going to target and suddenly needing all these things you never knew existed.
You're young. Your dreams are big. Your hopes are high.
You're growing up and you realize your goals are childish. How many people actually grow up to be astronauts, firefighters and ballerinas? Naive dreams stay behind and turn into stale memories.
You're older now. Your dreams are American. Your hopes follow suit of a proletariat's. You make the grade. You new dream, your new reality.
It's growing. You cannot shake it. It robs your attention. It's back. You realize that telling yourself it was childish was your numbing agent. It's possible. Pursue it.
I cannot, will not, should not shut my heart up.
How can I make this happen? I will. I do. I am.
I will never buy shampoo again when to listen to my hearts cry is what I really need.
Obey your passion. Follow your heart. If you are doing what you love, love will flood other areas of your life and your legacy left behind will be one of a history maker and a life changer.
Live your life.
I lose focus. My mind wanders. Extravagance. Beauty. I see impossible things happening. I am a daydreamer.
It's been a long time since pen met page
A lot going on
A worth-writing phase
A mix of emotion-
A blender inside;
If only, If only,
My tongue wasn't tied.
It's been a long time coming,
But it still leaves a blank.
What if- a game of youth. But yet and still I still ask, I question: What if? What if there are only two roads? What if there are only two ways from which to choose how to live? What if? Would you be appalled, if it were true?
But what if it is? If life can only be lived as lust or as love: could it be?
It's faith that tells me I've fallen
Hope that wishes it true
I'm riding a still escalator
I'm going down, down with you
A week ago eight hundred miles was in my living room
Today it's on the other side of the world
I can't believe it's happening
I can't believe it real
I feel it in my toes
I feel the way you make me feel
It flashes in the slowest fashion
It happened so fast
It is passing so slow
I'm crazy for this.
I'm crazy; I know
I didn't give you a rainmaker's chance in hell. You were born dead to me. The way I see it, it's a wonder how you transformed me. You were the hotshot, and I was your hottie.
I knew I could trust you.
I knew you'd pull through.
I know who you showed me you were was true
You showed your true colors;
All should shine like you
How do you know what to do when not even nature acts back? Reaction: I rely on you.
Will you trade your heart for my solemn vow? It's a lot to ask.
Confidence.
And all I see are silhouettes
Dark shades of what we once were
I'll kiss you and please you
Ill hold you, appease you
"Love is the highest goal"
don't sell out- don't sell your soul
I can't
I can't
I think I can
can't fail
My heart is dancing, spinning, flying!
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| Is it alright to speak of me?
Can I say: (Selfish:)
Someone else making a move would solve all of my problems?
In more ways than one, and maybe more than just a single.
Maybe two; I am over three.
Is it okay to want that?
In a single moment, that lasted but one moment, I knew.
Everything is going to be better than okay.
Thank a friend who mixes CDs
And the guy who paints the sky.
Everything. Someday.
The sunset flees so swiftly.
I try so hard to capture a moment while in motion.
I need to learn to revel in it, restless.
(I should) Dwell and live in that beauty while it exists.
Cameras cannot capture justice.
It is difficult to leave a beautiful part of life behind.
My challenge: letting go.
Extravagance sets today,
But comes each new day in another way.
I wish: this realisation hits before the stars come out tomorrow.
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Rough. I loathe it.Where did it go? Practice, practice. I know.
...I know.
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| If you could, would you?
Can you?
Do you?
Could you, would you understand?
I only wish I could convey what it is I am trying to say. The words are not there. And if they were there, they would need to be here. And if they were here, or there, or where they needed to be, they would not be enough. Shy. Short. That is what they would seem.
If you gave a mouse a cookie. I have found it so: that mouse is me.
I only wish I used less sounds to say what it is that I want to convey. My words, they all seem wasted. I need to use my lips, yet, still.
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| I leave tomorrow, never to return again.
I leave who I am when I meet the unknown.
I leave myself when each day makes me new.
I leave to never be the same.
I left myself this morning
And yesterday's morning too.
I will abandon me tomorrow.
And become who??
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